my bella

this monday we said our last goodbyes to bella. bella donna, bella monster, big white, stinkerbell, bela lugosi. it was hard as hell. 13 years of adventure, bella and i went through it all together. she was my bodyguard through scary night streets, my lookout alone in the middle of the woods, my unintentional pick up line, my headache when the neighbors called, my happiness when i walked through the door, my tiny dancer, my crazy for food, overprotective best road trip partner ever. my bella.

my heart

litha-the summer solstice

i can’t believe the summer solstice is already here! just a few more days (june 21st) until the longest day of the year and a progression of shorter and shorter ones thereafter. then fall!! holy crap! i’m turning 33 this year in october and i can hardly believe it. i have a myriad of thoughts that go through my head, both good and bad. and then i read this.....

"Fold your wings inward, Libra. A poignant and intense year begins on June 4th, when expansive Jupiter enters Taurus for a year. Taurus rules your eighth house, one of the most complex and internal parts of the zodiac wheel. It rules intimacy, vulnerability, sex, birth, death, spirituality, shared finances, real estate, "other people's money" (taxes, credit cards, inheritances, loans)...to name a few.
It's the place where we merge our most personal resources with others'—no light matter. Needless to say, the next year might not be the most fun time you've ever had, but the opportunity for growth—emotionally, spiritually and financially—is tremendous, especially if you're willing to explore all of your shadows AND your light."

there’s comfort in a little cosmic insight i guess!? anyway, litha is a day to celebrate! let all of our worries fall by the wayside as we take in every ray of sunshine and give thanks for what we have. because even in hard times, even in the dark, the light always shines through! remember to eat good food, drink good drink, and be in good company on this day. celebrate the sun! celebrate each other.

thousands of veggies!

we harvested beets, radishes, turnips, tatsoi, kale, zucchini, and garlic scapes for 344 families this week!!!! how amazing is that?!
everything looked so beautiful in each box-the colors so vibrant and the life so fresh. proud farmers here.
i wish i had a photo of the before and after of our birchville site (8 acres out of our total 12 farmed) where it's gone from green rolling hills to row after row of green growing food. so cool! life is good!

holy ginormous slug slithering slowly accross the driveway. dead doe behind nikki's cabin-whoa! and a beautiful sky to take the gross out!

“the world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.” extra so lately with the rain never ending. accepting it more as i remember how useless it is to complain, to fight, to try to control what is out of my hands. remember. remember. remind me again. when the rain falls hard and my heart feels heavy, remind me to accept. remind me the world is mud lucious and puddle wonderful.

this week....

tractor, bees, ice cream, weeds. rain then sun, squash, carrots, beets.
swallowtails, birdsong, sunburn, hope. thunder, fire, bright and dark.
protozoa, worms, rotten corn. giggles, understanding, wind and change.
missing you. missing me.

Good Times!

after a shoulder swelling day of luggin around a 5 gallon spray pack in hopes of "taking care" of our little cut worm problem, i had the wonderful pleasure of sharing some talk with howard, or papa as he likes to call himself. papa owns the second parcel of land we're farming on. papa's 92 and a man like they used to be. his clear blue eyes remind me of my grandma bev and when he started talking about the good old days and how four dollars seemed like hundreds-a living wage for a man working a real job like farming-i knew it was all true. how four dollars was enough for every man and his family to live life well. a home, food for your children, a new car, a nice dress for your wife, dancing on the weekends, the essentials really. how politics have ruined autonomy. when packin pistols and fist fightin were how business was taken care of. and how all the generations would hang out together-take care of eachother and teach one another. the good old days indeed. it's sad how much things have changed, we all agreed. he told us he didn't have too much longer to live but that he was worried about the little ones and about us. i'm a little worried too, when all the wonderful elders like papa and my grandma are gone, who's going to be left to tell us the truth?

A break in the clouds

Smack dab in the middle of one of our giant fields, an easter egg!!! Found in its small rocky nest in the big wide open, a near miss this strange stranded egg, as we seeded radishes. A kill deer perhaps? Mom and pops were no where to be found??????
And the beauty that accompanies the rainy hiker on her quiet journey. Buds, lichen, mushrooms, cacti. I live in such a beautiful area! I’ve grown to love these rainy days in the foothills. The light is low and the colors in front of me just glow against the gray drizzle. Gorgeous when the sun peaks out and everything glistens as the rainbows form on the dewy drops left behind! I am so grateful for this fantasyland only 10 minutes away! Dream on! What?!

mountain bounty

i have the best job ever! there's no going back....

awesomo

saw this piece in lisbon by accident. such a sweet surprise!

and a cow

what a storm! a shit storm! not really. i start work on my favorite holdiay, April 1st and i can't wait. i've been waiting too long-in limbo not knowing what was going to happen. the farm is mountain bounty and it should be bitchin! a positive i hope in what has seemed to be an incessent racket of change and giving up and sickness and instability. i've been lonely. confused. sad. it's good though, i'm learning a life lesson or whatever.
yesterday-my sunday ("funday" as we used to call it) marked the equinox and though i didn't want to be alone i tried to make the best of it and ended up really enjoying myself! it was rainy and windy and a bit cold but i wanted to go on a hike so i drove down the pretty, windy road wondering if i was going to run out of gas to my beautiful destination. all of the wildflowers have just started to bloom and i was in for a really wonderful moment of peace, quiet, and reflection. i needed that! so i got lost on the way back but found gas in time and even a weird little "cafe" to eat weird food in. i love the adventures in life and though i always prefer to share them, i think it was a good time to be okay with being alone. i mean really alone, i didn't even have my bella!
spring is comin though and all the hard shit of winter will soon pass, melt away. i look forward to more peaceful moments and getting really buff arms again.

boa ano!

not quite back in action-a wintery slumber still in bloggo land. but here's a cool photo of portugal-yeay!

i could eat a whole jar of maraschino cherries. i have. lots of times! but this isn't good. glowing isn't good.

howl with the moon, wishes in the wind

the snow is blowing hard and as i watch out the window sitting by this fire close to midnight i remember its a full moon. though hidden by the bright moving sky i feel its energy. that energy moved through me all day in waves of motivation but before my day started i was called on as a sad friend needed consolation, i remembered my own fears and faults, i saw a memory in flight. and as i sit here after the day is done, wind chimes whaling i come across this from an acquainted stranger who inspires me and everything about today, everything about everything comes together as she explains...
"Dreams floating in the air unfinished, the olden days are gone. No turning back, you can only go forward or embrace that time is folly and think outside the man-made box. Tonight’s full Moon in Taurus is about vision—seeing through the illusion of time to the other side and then bringing that knowledge back to this world. This full moon is powerful yet filled with sadness; it’s a time of moving on, of surrender and self sacrifice for the greater good and for your own spiritual evolution. There will be some healing pain as old wounds are incised and opened up, but this is when love can and will conquer all. Magical events and alchemies appear in unexpected and surprising places- open those reception wavelengths. Synchronicities abound. Put out requests to the universe and affirmations of intention and things will happen".

familiarity fleeting, the semi on my right
mile on the markers, close to it again
white drenched willows hanging in the prairie
haystacks block the wind.
you flock of little chirps
you high rippled river
in the rearview, in my brights
going far for what i left behind

32 years later

i didn’t take enough photos on my birthday trip. the oyster boats on the bay from the windy road. the eucalyptus groves in the shaded hills. the wild thyme and fennel growing around our spot. heading into the floating city glistening, foggy bright. crowded smiles in the low light of the dance hall....there are some great ones framed in my head though and alas, a few from the wondrous botanical gardens in berkeley. it was a good time to be me.

otis redding made me do it

vine hill

what it takes people

a sustainable food system needs you:
Educate yourself:
Understand why sustainable food should actually cost 50 to 100 percent more than industrial, conventional food. Figure out how to buy food more directly from farmers and ranchers, if you want to avoid some of the transportation/distribution/retail markup costs.
Know the names of more farmers and ranchers than celebrity chefs, including at least one you can call by first name -- and ask how their kids are doing.
Understand that if you want to see working conditions and wages come up for farming and food processing workers, that you will have to pay more for food. Be OK with that.
Learn about the Farm Bill and plan to write a letter/make a phone call when it comes up for re-authorization.

Chill out:
Don't expect a farmer to have year-round availability and selection. Alter your diet to match the seasonal harvests in your area. Get used to not eating tomatoes until at least July, apples in late August to December, citrus in winter, greens in spring. Don't complain.
Realize that even animal products are seasonal because animals have biological cycles. Know that chickens produce much less eggs in winter when days are shorter and even come to a complete stop when they are replacing their feathers (molting). Consequently you may have to eat less eggs and pay more for them during that time. Don't complain.

Get your hands dirty:
Sweat on a farm sometime.
Participate in the death of an animal that you consume.
Successfully cook a roast. You don't need steaks and chops to make an amazing meal.
Save your bones for soup, beans, stock, or your doggies!
If you own land that's not being farmed, tell some farmers about it. If you rent land to farmers, offer a fair rental price or fair lease (long-term is better), and then stay out of the way and don't meddle or hinder the farmers. They are not your pet farmers nor your landscapers.
Throw your consumer dollar behind a couple beginning farmers or lower-income farmers. Be concerned about how landless, lower-income producers are going to compete with the increasing numbers of wealthy landowners getting into farming as a hobby.
Help your local farmers do their job:
Bring your kids/grandkids/nieces & nephews to the farmers market and to real farms as often as possible
If you ask to visit the farm, also offer to help out or spend some decent money while you are there. Otherwise, wait patiently until the next group farm tour. Don't expect a farmer to drop everything just to give you a special tour.
Consider making a low-interest loan, grant, or pre-payment to a farmer to help her cover her operating expenses. Stick with that farmer for the long haul, as long as he continues to supply quality product and can stay in business.
Give more than just money to a farmer or rancher -- maybe a Christmas card, invitation to a party, offer to spiff up their website, or watch their kid for an hour at the farmers' market.
Really put your money where your mouth is:
Don't complain about prices. If price is an issue for you on something, ask the farmer nicely if he has any less expensive cuts (or cosmetically challenged "seconds"), bulk discounts, or volunteer opportunities. But don't ask the farmer to earn less money for his hard work.
Don't compare prices between farmers who are trying to do this for a living and those that do it only as a hobby (and don't have to make a living from what they produce and sell).
Share in a farmer's risk by putting up some money and faith up front via a Community Supported Agriculture share. And then suck it up when you don't get to eat something that you paid for because there was a crop failure or an animal illness.
Buy local when available, but also make a point of supporting certified Fair Trade, Organic products when buying something grown in tropical countries
Buy organic not just for your health, but for the health of the land, waterways, wildlife, and the workers in those fields
Figure out the handful of restaurants that buy and serve truly sustainable food and become loyal to them. Occasionally give them feedback and thank them.
Don't buy meat from chain grocery stores, not even Whole Foods. Understand that for them to get meat in volume with year-round selection and availability, they have to work with large distribution networks and often international suppliers, and don't pay enough to the producers for them to even cover their costs.
Get the majority of your produce, meat, eggs, dairy, bread, dried fruit, nuts, and olive oil from farmers markets, CSAs, U-pick farms, and on-farm stands. Try to buy from the actual farmer, not a middleman. Get the rest of your food from the bulk section, dairy case, or bakery of your local independent grocer.
Pay for your values. If it hurts, don't have fewer values, just eat less food (sorry, but most Americans could stand to do a bit of this).
I admit, this is a lot to digest.
What I am saying is that we can't be casual about the food system we want to see. If more people don't show some commitment, and take part in some of the hard work that farmers, ranchers, and farm workers do on a daily basis, then we cannot build a sustainable food system.
You don't have to be a passive consumer. You are part of this system, too. Don't just eat, do something more!
Rebecca Thistlewaite

no root no fruit!

“Kids don’t have a little brother working in the coal mine, they don’t have a little sister coughing her lungs out in the looms of the big mill towns of the Northeast. Why? Because we organized; we broke the back of the sweatshops in this country; we have child labor laws. Those were not benevolent gifts from enlightened management. They were fought for, they were bled for, they were died for by working people, by people like us. Kids ought to know that. That’s why I sing these songs. That’s why I tell these stories, dammit. No root, no fruit!”
the words of utah phillips. i had the pleasure of seeing him in the flesh back in Colorado and i was all smiles. the entire time. he was tall. he was wearing a red flannel and overalls, a cool hat and a big grey beard. he had tattoos from the war and from the trains. he was someone you could not ignore. and when he started telling stories and playing his guitar i couldn’t sit still-i was giddy.

amigoisms

for me, one of the interesting dilemas of having a blog (worst word ever!) is that people might actually read it. i willingly share with the world but in doing so i set myself up for judgement, stalking, weird comments from my sis, etc. but it's part of the whole deal, i accept that. it's funny though because sometimes i'll censor myself or i'll find myself writing for someone else and i hate it when i do that. anyway, it's a fuckin blog-it's so self masturbatory and nerdy and i can't take it too seriously. that is, until i find out that i've shared something totally untrue! no not the post about the crapper-that shit's legit. but the post about gold lake. the lies! the lies!
just so we all know some real history here-not the bullshit that father like figures sometimes tell, the song "camptown races" (camptown ladies sing this song doo-dah doo-dah) was written by stephen foster. he was not from camptonville california and he most definitely didn't write the star spangled banner. that was written by francis scott key, a distant relative of the cutest fact checker i know. truth be told. truth be gold.

the bees-doin there thing

and the corn keeps growing

biggest cucumber ever!

Reap and Thresh

this moment makes me think of finding purple periwinkles and yellow daffodils in the middle of the forrest and how that means there once was a house there.

5 am in the pinewoods

i'd seen
their hoofprints in the deep
needles and knew
they ended the long night

under the pines, walking
like two mute
and beautiful women toward
the deeper woods, so i

got up in the dark and
went there. they came
slowly down the hill
and looked at me sitting under

the blue trees, shyly
they stepped
closer and stared
from under their thick lashes and even

nibbled some damp
tassels of weeds. this
is not a poem about a dream,
though it could be.

this is a poem about the world
that is ours, or could be.
finally
one of them-i swear it!

would have come to my arms
but the other
stamped sharp hoof in the
pine needles like

the tap of sanity,
and they went off together through
the trees. when i woke
i was alone,

i was thinking:
so this is how you swim inward,
so this is how you flow outward, so this is how you pray.

-mary oliver via the sweet sweet paris miller

heart heart heart

400 years later

Tuttles, the oldest farm in america is shutting the big barn doors and calling it quits. worst news ever! it’s been nearly 400 years from the beginning of it all in this country, an historical landmark, an emblem of our past, a lived long family tradition. and now after all of those years it’s going to be just those things-a place to visit and take a tour around, a place to see tinted photos of tractors and dirty hands, a fading reality young Tuttles will keep to themselves as they meet their peers in college.
in a time when family farmers are being raided by government agents all the while struggling to compete with corporate rule and public demand for cheap food it should come as no surprise. when i ask my boss for advise on what to do on my own farm, if it would be best to have a CSA or just do farmer’s markets his answer sums it up, “neither! there’s no money in farming”.
now he knows damn well that i’m not in it for the money and though his answer bursts my bubble a bit as i realize more and more how hard it truly is to be good, do good things, and expect to survive in a world full of rotten, i know that places like Tuttles-not even places but models like Tuttles are important reminders of where we came from and where we’re headed.
Tuttles closing down is a cultural metaphor that i don’t want to see or believe as i take the leap into this farming world, a dreamy place of past and necessity for the future. farming for me answered all of the questions i finally figured out how to ask and it holds big hope not only for me but for you as well, whether or not you realize. it brings up some bigger questions and large concerns. where are we headed in this era of “progress” and big business monopolization? what are the real values of life?
i know that i’ve always resisted progress in the technological form-where do all those cell phone parts come from? what does that reception do to your brain? where do all the old computers go when the new mac comes out? mining and landfills and satellites are not in my utopian vision but even more importantly, i know that i value family, community, friendship, love and good food. i mean, is there anything more important in life? don’t those just all go together so nicely?! don’t forget the real value of your life. it’s easy to forget when we have to check our email and text everyone about dinner. we’ll all soon forget about the Tuttles legacy but god damn if we keep letting big business and government control our health and happiness. “fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.”
read the sad story here