gettin kind of sick of all the god damn bad news in the world

today was hard

today was real hard. i’ve been the presence of stability and support lately but this morning my callouses crippled my grip and the sweat and tears washed away my game face. i finally had my time to be real and give up the fight a bit. i got worked.
love sick. nostalgic. tired. lonely. it all came to the surface today as i struggled to carry the weight of the soil, the weight of their emotions, the weight of my own swelled heart up and over that big ass hill. the wheelborrow broke. we both did.
a few sad songs and a good memory are all it takes sometimes and some time, that's all it takes to get over i thought. the ones that stick aren't meant for memories. those are the ones that become you, take over your dreams, shape your favorites and form your new old habits.
today was hard but yesterday was harder having to pretend. this heavy chest and tired body lay to rest. tomorrow will be easier in theory. science just can't catch up to my fate.

have you ever seen a mole? they're super cute

it's been a crazy past couple of weeks on the farm but the plants are pushin and soon we'll be at the market basking in the glory of all our hard work and talking to people about things other than roto-tillers and bolting brassicas. my ginger brew is ready in a few days and the kombucha is looking thick and slimey-which is a good thing!! making beer in the pm and oh i can hardly contain my excitement for......
ROAD TRIP!
i'm taking a long weekend and driving to SF for a little holiday from the farm before things really start rollin. my annual meetin up with old friends, lookin at art, drinking yummy coffee (blue bottle this time baby), and gettin my music fix! grass widow at li-po! what?!
last time we were at li-po it was pooring rain and i was trying hard to ignore the annoying bar fly while filling up my empty sake glass with the black water from my socks. i was bored. i was bummed. i love a good prank.
anyway, god i love the farm life but damn i love the city too and i’m so lucky i can have my cake and eat it too. fuck what ya heard!
on the list under "eat good mexican food" are a couple urban farms to visit. people are doing wonderful things between apartment buildings and parking lots (and it isn't just sex or pissin)! check out little city gardens for instance. i love their politics and the fact that their pals always come together to help out. makes my heart cry.
oh and i just watched garbage warrior about michael reynolds-the amazing architect who uses tires and bottles to build the often beautiful but unfortunately named "earthships" or completely self sustainable houses for hippies, forward thinkers, people displaced by natural disasters accross the world, etc. get really inspired! this guy rules!
it's on a farm and it's in a city. a reminder to follow my dreams, be inspired by the dreams of others, and never hang a dream catcher from the rearview mirror in a car. k. never.

happy beltane!

frolick in the flowers and leap over a fire! it's spring baby!
for me. for you. neruda says it best:

But I forgot that your hands fed the roots,
Watering the tangled roses,
Till your fingerprints bloomed
Full, in a natural peace.
Like pets, your hoe and your sprinkling can
Follow you around, biting and licking the earth.
That work is how you let this richness loose,
The carnation’s fiery freshness.
I wish the love and dignity of bees for your hands,
Mixing and spreading their transparent brood
In the earth: they cultivate even my heart,
So that I am like a scorched rock
That suddenly sings when you are near, because it drinks
The water you carry from the forest, in your voice.