gettin kind of sick of all the god damn bad news in the world

today was hard

today was real hard. i’ve been the presence of stability and support lately but this morning my callouses crippled my grip and the sweat and tears washed away my game face. i finally had my time to be real and give up the fight a bit. i got worked.
love sick. nostalgic. tired. lonely. it all came to the surface today as i struggled to carry the weight of the soil, the weight of their emotions, the weight of my own swelled heart up and over that big ass hill. the wheelborrow broke. we both did.
a few sad songs and a good memory are all it takes sometimes and some time, that's all it takes to get over i thought. the ones that stick aren't meant for memories. those are the ones that become you, take over your dreams, shape your favorites and form your new old habits.
today was hard but yesterday was harder having to pretend. this heavy chest and tired body lay to rest. tomorrow will be easier in theory. science just can't catch up to my fate.

have you ever seen a mole? they're super cute

it's been a crazy past couple of weeks on the farm but the plants are pushin and soon we'll be at the market basking in the glory of all our hard work and talking to people about things other than roto-tillers and bolting brassicas. my ginger brew is ready in a few days and the kombucha is looking thick and slimey-which is a good thing!! making beer in the pm and oh i can hardly contain my excitement for......
ROAD TRIP!
i'm taking a long weekend and driving to SF for a little holiday from the farm before things really start rollin. my annual meetin up with old friends, lookin at art, drinking yummy coffee (blue bottle this time baby), and gettin my music fix! grass widow at li-po! what?!
last time we were at li-po it was pooring rain and i was trying hard to ignore the annoying bar fly while filling up my empty sake glass with the black water from my socks. i was bored. i was bummed. i love a good prank.
anyway, god i love the farm life but damn i love the city too and i’m so lucky i can have my cake and eat it too. fuck what ya heard!
on the list under "eat good mexican food" are a couple urban farms to visit. people are doing wonderful things between apartment buildings and parking lots (and it isn't just sex or pissin)! check out little city gardens for instance. i love their politics and the fact that their pals always come together to help out. makes my heart cry.
oh and i just watched garbage warrior about michael reynolds-the amazing architect who uses tires and bottles to build the often beautiful but unfortunately named "earthships" or completely self sustainable houses for hippies, forward thinkers, people displaced by natural disasters accross the world, etc. get really inspired! this guy rules!
it's on a farm and it's in a city. a reminder to follow my dreams, be inspired by the dreams of others, and never hang a dream catcher from the rearview mirror in a car. k. never.

happy beltane!

frolick in the flowers and leap over a fire! it's spring baby!
for me. for you. neruda says it best:

But I forgot that your hands fed the roots,
Watering the tangled roses,
Till your fingerprints bloomed
Full, in a natural peace.
Like pets, your hoe and your sprinkling can
Follow you around, biting and licking the earth.
That work is how you let this richness loose,
The carnation’s fiery freshness.
I wish the love and dignity of bees for your hands,
Mixing and spreading their transparent brood
In the earth: they cultivate even my heart,
So that I am like a scorched rock
That suddenly sings when you are near, because it drinks
The water you carry from the forest, in your voice.

what the eyjafjallajokull?!

the boston globe has some crazy photos of the recent volcanic eruption in iceland here
note the preface to the story is the affects on european travelers.

funny farm

yesterday i made lunch for the crew, including joy the accountant. it was a simple meal. i marinated olives in garlic and lemon juice, cooked up some pasta with homemade sauce from the pantry, made garlic bread, a nice salad from the garden. it was yummy. we all finished and were kind of just doing our own thing when all of a sudden, i felt high. it was very confusing. i didn't remember smoking anything! i went into the kitchen and told hillary. she felt high too. we were standing there wondering what the fuck and osiris walked in from the back porch. the look on his face was just perfect. we were all out of our minds!! ripped! we stood there trying to figure out what the hell happened and decided it was the pasta sauce from the pantry. it was a batch from last years canning and was labeled "G Sauce". guess the G didn't stand for garlic!
i felt pretty bad (and really good) and suddenly it dawned on me that joy the accountant must be stoned too! i got the fucking accountant stoned with lunch! when i approached her and she told me she felt weird i thought i was gonna die. she kind of started freakin' out and i was real non chalant about it all. i told her to drink some water and that she would be fine. she told me she's never even SMOKED pot before! never even smoked pot and the woman just ate some seriously strong ganga food. unwillingly!
the guilt. the giggles. the awkwardness. the desire to clean!
we were completely useless the rest of the day. we all tripped out on our own-in a blissfull disbelief that what had happened really did just happen. i stared at trees and hung out with the chickens. took photos and made flower arrangements, walked around, let the rain fall in my mouth. i don't know how joy worked like that. actually i don't think she even could. she forgot to pay us! she was afraid to drive home for christs sake! i felt so bad!
9 hours later we all went to bed still high....unbelievable.

"Every passing bird, every river Says lay-lay to you my baby"

found an acorn woodpecker in the middle of the road last night. just laying there. dead. sometimes i close my eyes when i know i'm coming up on something that lay dead in the road. avoiding the sad and mangled blood and guts of what once was a breathing animal. i hate seeing dead animals. i think most people do.
but we reversed for this mysterious thing in the road. my eyes followed the lights onto the black reflection of this woodpecker that lay there still in the brightness of our headlights, in the darkness of the forrest. it was so beautiful. i held it in my hand. it was big and warm and incredibly soft. so now it lies not in the gray of the gravelly road but in the freezer. in the hands of the likeness of its probable ending. dead but living on for my selfish desire to gaze forever at his beauty.

holy teet

thursday i was lucky enough to take a day off the farm and go to another small, pretty farm and milk a cow. i met dan a couple weeks ago. he was teaching his unsurpassed skills in grafting. we practiced with some heritage cherry scion's from felix gillet's time-(a pioneer for nevada city as far as botany goes and an all around rad dude that shaped the city in many ways).
we've been picking up raw milk from dan on the underground (raw milk is illegal!) since he stopped by the farm and modestly mentioned this other passion in his life. the milk is wonderful. there is nothing like fresh, raw, cream on top milk from your local dairyman!! he has two cows and a heifer on pasture and when i expressed interest in helping him milk he gleamed. if i was any good at milking he would be able to take his first vacation in years, as dairy cows have to be milked twice a day, period. it turns out that i was pretty good, i'm a natural! and all that winter climbing came in handy! milking is a fuckin workout!
i loved the warm sweet smell and being close with the cow. like real close. it's really something else to experience. i'm more appreciative than ever for that milk i've been using in my coffee and alongside the fresh hot cookies and cakes i can't stop baking!!!!
dan pastures the cows on his beautiful yet not overly large property alongside his impressive apple, plum, and cherry orchard. he has three nigerian dwarf goats, chickens, ducks, guinea fowl (rattlesnake wranglers and tick eaters-yeay!) and a slew of dogs, some of which aren't even his...

dan and old girl. notice the baby in the background on left. little buck tooth cutie!

geraldine-my name for her

baby girl

the hooligans. pete the rat terrior, dodger and charlie. pete showed me an old petrified rat he successfully killed-ewe! good boy! and the goldens successfully tormented as many chickens as possible and spooked the baby into the outfield while we were milking. good boys!

grandma, mama, and baby (and dodger)

the kids sniffin the kid

can you spot the ducklings? awe! so cute!

a blind shot of my chill spot. i broke my camera screen goofing off on the mountain bike and now i can't tell what the hell i'm shooting. can't change settings either. bummer. funny side note, i lost my glasses yesterday in the vineyard so blind shot is pretty right on. what can i lose next week? already lost my wallet and my favorite hat before i left. maybe i'll lose my patience and break the little fucker in my pocket who's throwing out all my stuff.

for ma.

cut loose wild goose! but don't fall asleep at the wheel. yellow roses await you. hugs and kisses your way.

for/from my north caroliners. see you in sacramento

from heaven and earth-happy spring!

hillary in the garlic

the gentle soul of solomon

osiris and the girls

at home in the wild open pastures and pine lined foothills. national forrest abounds and the stars are in my eyes. literally. they're everywhere up here. up there. the frogs sing me to sleep and my belly full of seeds and weeds, i dream of the past and remember.
planting food, my roots. sowing oats, my boots.
the yuba winds with turqouise deeps and a stones throw makes it that much sweeter. the melon sky tells the time.
a mix of red necks and hippies. 4x4's and sandals with socks. this is what funny's made of.
bike fast past ponds and heifers. wave to the porch dwellers and the wind in my teeth makes a whistle.

holy shit! i'm off to heaven and earth farm!
it comes at a time when things really coudln't be better
so it will be hard to leave but...

"mankind has always sought the sparkle of distant stars,
tromped up ridges toward secret summits,
dreaming of a fantastic elsewhere.
the dream is always becoming"

and this is indeed a dream.

in all the familiar places

stopped by la maze cafe. after dinner at tom waits' old hang around.
was greeted by the band. sittin cozy right in front. we had the whole place to ourselves and it felt good to be home.
vinyl slid and candles were lit. we joked a bit between songs.
she asked me what to sing for the last act.
"i'll be seeing you". her mama's favorite.
i coudn't help but crying. grandma was on my mind. i sang all the lyrics. we shared a hug and a drink for our good old girls.
it felt good to be home.
vinyl slid and candles were blown out. i imagined it years ago.
it used to be a happening place. now it just feels like home.

buhgawk!

my favorite heirloom of the moment isn't a tomato but this cute little hen called a silver sebright. they are about a quarter size of standard chickens and lay little white eggs. everything's mini!
i like this one a lot too. it's a blue silkie, originating in china. silkies have black flesh and black bones!! wow. they are prized for their medicinal qualities and apparently the meat, if you can get over the fact that it's black, is even tastier than your standard pale, fleshy toned variety. but i prefer to think of her with her feathers on.
she's just so snuggable!

drink it in the wind

got my new skerton hand grinder in the mail today. its got burrs, its glass, it has a lid, the arm comes off, it's japanese-me likey. i can take it camping if i want!!!
i look forward to roasting my own coffee beans too. who knew it was so simple and fun?! i love breakfast and though i don't drink copious amounts of coffee, a quality cup is mucho important to me! i'm excited about this mornings cup alongside oatmeal cinnamon pancakes with strawberries and cream! what?!

he goes good with breakfast (ramblin jack elliott)

children of the earth

for your viewing dis/pleasure-my least cuddle friendly specimen. the ever so creepy, screech inducing jerusalem cricket.
i kept this in a box for a while before deciding to take its photo (thanks matt!). this really is one of my least favorite things to look at in all the world. i have nightmares about these cussing things!
my first encounter with one was about five years ago. it was slowly crawling weary, weirdly, accross the sidewalk. i was stoned or something i think and i truly thought i was witnessing the spawn of an alien creature searching for its first victim. it was not gonna be me!!! i walked away and i never walk away! its pale armour and glazed over eyes. the large head and spiked appendages! no thanks.
they live underground moslty so that explains a lot about the way they look and the slow nature of their travel. they use their ginormous mandilbles to dig through dirt and in my mind,
to devour the digits of unsuspecting children playing in the yard.
back in your box alien baby!

he gives good radio

it all started out real slow-normal pace with no big and fancy displays. no obsessive rushing to get home.
no skipping meals for him.
but now. now i'm addicted to this american life!!!!!
i can't stop listening and laughing, and cringing, and gasping.
the episodes on dvd are amazing as well. I caught an episode with young black runaways in phili. with horses.
black cowboys trotting through the shit stormed streets early mornin' to a green park just outside city limits to run wild.
no one else for miles. big buildings in the backgound.
a band of outlaws. such beautiful imagery!
dork out! you won't regret it

weeeeeeeeeeeeee

out for a roll on my new bike-yeay!

bird watchin


wont' be climbing this tree

my new recipe for blackberry cobblestone. kind of like a cobbler but not really. i threw in some raspberries and blueberries too. out of the oven and into my belly! on granny's pretty old plate with a little milk to balance the sweetness a bit. sooooo good!
i've been cooking and baking a lot. i found my niche. i've found my measuring cups!
i've been juicing like a mad woman too and making tinctures and perfume. i should say that taking my vitamins and being a good girl healed me from a scary medical condition so maybe that's part of the craze too! (making christmas dinner for 16 people might of helped. cuss that was hard!) anyway, making some rose petal jam, homemade apple cidar vinegar and trying out a new merlot sauce laters.
move over martha!

got a bunch of fucked up feet today. bloody, bruised, and blistered. part from walking 2 miles or so in heels, then dancing in said heels, then getting stepped on by a gargantuan practicing his spastic break dancing style, then slipping off my pedals and into my new chain ring. fuck!! my feet used to be so cute. it all started with ski boots and my frightening tendancy to lean back instead of forward-what a wanker i am!
anyway, i was thinking about it the other day in the tub. lookin at 'em all haggard, toenails black and blue. scabs floating away in the water-just kidding-that's gross.
beauty is pain (heels). and pain is fun (skiing/hiking/river dancing) i guess it's worth it-having ugly feet as a 31 year old woman. as long as i look hot and am having fun right?
i guess it could be worse. my feet could look like an old chinese ladies' from the 19th century.
yikes!

this city can't swallow me

matt lingo

"every generation needs a new revolution"

at peace with his fist up. thank you howard zinn

fluid. crow through a blanket of strawberries

can you imagine the smell of this piece in the gallery?
what when the mold starts?
claire morgan makes my jaw drop.
yours will too when you see her other work here